I don’t mean me – at 55 I do not consider myself near to being old yet. But I’ve been having more experiences with people who are really old the last few years. Being old is not just a matter of age though. Its largely a matter of how the years have been passed. Has there been sickness or injury? Is the mind still working the way it used to work or has their been some degradation? A lot of factors come into play. So when I think of old as in someone is old I think of a big drop in physical and mental ability that is based largely on age and wear and tear on the body.

I’m writing this from a facility that takes care of old people both on a long term residency and a short term rehabilitation capacity. The people who are hear long term are hard for me. They fall asleep at random times even while sitting up. I saw one man with his face in his lunch plate for a short time until someone of the staff noticed. They wander around pretty much aimlessly with little apparent idea of their surroundings. Others are more mentally alert but just as physically unable. It feels like a storage facility in some ways. I could not leave my Dad alone at  this time of his life.

That is not a knock on the staff who all seem both very caring and very competent. It’s not so much a knock on the family of these people as I know from experience how draining it can be to care for a loved one who has diminished capacity (physical, mental or both). People have to make hard choices and sometimes that means different priorities. Different is not always right or wrong but just different.

My wife and I cared for her mother for many years in our home. We’re glad we did it for the quality of her life. But it was not always easy and I can understand not everyone is up to it. In fact watching my Dad (83) struggle to recover from his recent back surgery is really tough for me.

As tough as it is for me its a lot harder on my Dad. He is so used to being so independent for so long that this dependency is painful for him. He’s frustrated by the slow recovery and aware of the struggle his mind and body both are going through. Being away from home makes it all worse because of the unfamiliar surroundings. That’s why I’m here in Texas 1800 miles from home – to be a comfortable familiar face for him. My brother who lives here had surgery of his own and isn’t up to what Dad needs. I’m very happy I could come to help. On Sunday my sister arrives to help and a few days later I go home. We’re all glad their are several of use to share the load. Though honestly at a time like this I wish we all lived closer together to make things easier. But that is life in the modern age I guess.

But I wonder what will my son do? He’s an only child. Poor kid.